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‘We are living in a heteronormative world, and I am a heteronormative girl’ or so the song didn’t go. When it comes to defining our sexual orientation many of us will default to our society’s pre-programming of assuming we’re heterosexual. So it can feel anything but fun when we get even a tiny flicker of interest or attraction to someone we weren’t expecting and then the questions begin…Am I gay? Bi? Pansexual? I don’t even know what that means?!

In pre-Google times, this meant often hours or years anxiously pondering, wondering and searching for signs. Thankfully, now we have Google, which takes you immediately to the WikiHow ‘Am I gay’ quiz—hurray! End of blog.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Or would it? Even if you saw the words in black and white, you may still feel as confused as ever about your sexual orientation. So maybe it’s time to ask yourself a different question. Perhaps, why does it matter? Or what difference would it make to my life if I were confident in my sexuality?

‘Sexuality is a multifaceted spectrum and may change over the course of a day, month or lifetime’

The truth is there is often no right answer to arrive at, and your sexuality journey will be lifelong and as unique as you are. Sexuality is a multifaceted spectrum and may change over the course of a day, month or lifetime. In a world that often seeks to categorise within the constraints of heteronormativity, unmasking your sexuality is a courageous act of self-discovery and of self-love.

Sex therapy can help you embrace the uncertainty, celebrate the diversity within your desires, and take pride in your sexual identity. If you’re looking to explore your sexuality you can book a free call with me here. I’m ready and waiting to listen.

ADHD isn’t just a diagnosis; it profoundly impacts daily life, influencing attention, impulse control, and executive function. For those with ADHD, its effects extend into every aspect of life, shaping how you eat, sleep, and have sex. Sex and shame often go hand in hand but for this with ADHD the shame can be excruciating Below are a few ways in which ADHD and sex intersect:

 Impulsivity

The impulsivity inherent in ADHD can significantly impact decision-making about sex. Individuals with ADHD may act on impulses without considering potential consequences, leading to risky sexual behaviours such as unprotected sex or engaging in sexual activity under the influence of alcohol and drugs.

Dopamine Diving

Faced with a lack of dopamine, many people with ADHD engage in behaviours that stimulate it. Dopamine-seeking behaviours, such as masturbating or watching pornography, may be particularly appealing to individuals with ADHD. Due to cultural sensitivities and lack of sex eduction many people have a moral conflict around these things so what can feel essential at the time leads to a shameful come down.

Risky Business

Studies have shown that those with ADHD have more sexual partners, higher rates of masturbation, and an increased likelihood of sexually transmitted diseases. People with ADHD often seek novel and stimulating experiences. They may be more drawn to activities that provide a high level of excitement or newness, even if they involve an element of risk- such as affairs or BDSM practices they’re not really comfortable with.

Late-diagnosed ADHD individuals may find themselves reevaluating their entire sexual history. This revelation can be overwhelming, bringing both relief and potential compounding of shame for different individuals. The recognition of the impact of impulsivity on decision-making and addressing sex and shame are crucial steps towards building healthier and more fulfilling sex life.

Sex Therapy can help you navigate ADHD, sex and shame

Therapy is a journey of self-discovery and growth, but it’s not always a smooth ride. There are moments when your therapist might say or do something that leaves you feeling upset, angry, or downright pissed off. It’s an uncomfortable but entirely normal part of the therapeutic process and can surprisingly be an opportunity for growth. Read on to see how:

Navigating Discomfort

When your therapist triggers strong emotions, it can be disorienting. You might question the therapeutic alliance or wonder if they truly understand you. Instead of brushing these feelings aside, it’s important to bring them into the therapeutic space. Your therapist may have the skills and knowledge but we aren’t infallible; we’re human just like you. Expressing your emotions, even if they’re negative, opens the door for honest dialogue and deeper exploration.

Digging Deeper

Rather than avoiding the discomfort, use it as a catalyst for self-exploration. Why did a particular statement or action trigger such a strong reaction? Therapy involves peeling back layers to understand the roots of your emotional responses. It’s an opportunity to uncover patterns, past experiences, or unresolved issues that contribute to your present reactions.

Communication is Key

A therapeutic relationship is built on trust and open communication. If something your therapist said or did has upset you, try to bring it up in your session. Honest communication fosters understanding and allows your therapist to respond, explore and apologise. It can feel really hard to do but as therapists we’re equipped to handle tricky moments and once you’ve been honest with us imagine the possibilites outside the room!

Turning Conflict into Growth

Conflict within the therapeutic relationship isn’t a roadblock; it’s a stepping stone. By addressing and working through moments of discomfort, you’re actively engaging in the therapeutic process. It’s an opportunity for both you and your therapist to learn, adjust, and deepen the therapeutic alliance.

Therapy involves acknowledging and exploring moments of discomfort. When your therapist pisses you off, it’s a chance for growth, self-discovery, and strengthening the therapeutic bond. Moments of rupture lead to moments of repair and that’s is where the healing happens.

Ready for me to potentially piss you off? Book a free consultation here

You can book a free consultation with me here to see if we’re a good fit

ADHD, in its diverse forms, has a profound influence on a persons life. If you are wondering how ADHD impacts sex. Or wondering can a relationship survive ADHD. Read on for how ADHD can show up in out intimate lives:

Distraction During Intimacy: Mind on Overdrive

Staying present during intimate moments can be a tightrope walk. For those with ADHD, distraction isn’t just a fleeting thought; it’s a persistent challenge. Maintaining focus can feel like herding cats, impacting arousal and pleasure.

Impulsivity in Relationships: A Spontaneous Road Trip

ADHD often brings along its impulsive sidekick. In relationships, this may manifest as spontaneous decisions—some delightful, some requiring a seatbelt. While impulsivity can add a thrilling edge, it also spices up the recipe of intimate choices, impacting the course of your relationship journey.

Hyperfocus: The Intensity of New Love

Ever experienced the magnifying glass of hyperfocus? In the early stages, when love is vibrant and new, ADHD may turn the colours up to eleven. Intense absorption in the relationship can be both exhilarating and, at times, overwhelming.

Inconsistency in Desire: A Rollercoaster of Emotions

Desire isn’t a steady flame; it flickers on and off and  sometimes takes a momentary pause. For those with ADHD, this dance can be more like a rollercoaster ride. Fluctuations in energy, mood, and focus play their part, creating a unique nature of desire.

Emotional Regulation: Achieving Consistency in Intimacy

Emotional dysregulation may introduce its own variations to the fabric of intimacy. Mood fluctuations can impact desire and hinder the ability to connect emotionally with your partner, posing challenges to maintaining a consistent level of intimacy.

Maybe you’re late diagnosed ADHD and you’re not sure where to begin or it’s time to face long standing issues. If you feel that ADHD is impacting your sex life or relationship book a free call with me and we can explore how I might be able to help.

As a sex therapist I often find myself unraveling the threads of romantic ideals and challenging the notion of ‘The One.’ My journey with clients often involves peeling back the layers of relationship myths and exploring the diverse narratives that shape our understanding of love. Relationships are complex and the myth of ‘The One” muddies the waters.

 How do I know when I’ve met ‘The One’? The age old internal monologue

The One is a magical person, an ideal relationship, or perfect life. Embedded deeply in our culture’s romance narrative, ‘The One’ perpetuates the idea of a soulmate or a perfect match waiting to fulfil our every need.

What is sex therapy? If you’re curious about sex therapy and how it sets itself apart from other therapeutic approaches? Your quest for answers ends here!

Why Sex Therapy Rocks?

Sex therapists share common ground with other therapists but additionally bring expertise in sexual function, relationships, and various facets of sexuality. Whether you’re seeking solutions to sexual challenges, aiming to enhance your relationships, or simply curious about this specialised field, join me as we take a look at what sex therapy can help with.

What’s in the a Sex Therapists Toolbox?

Sex therapists come armed with a unique blend of counselling skills and sexual expertise. From sexual dysfunctions like erectile hiccups to relationship rough patches, we’ve got your back. Here’s a sneak peek at our toolkit:

Addressing Dysfunction: Ever faced challenges like erectile hiccups, painful sex, or difficulties reaching the big O? A sex therapist can help you unravel the intricacies of your bodies and find solutions that work for you.

Intimacy SOS: Feeling a bit disconnected in your relationship or with yourself? Sex therapy enables you to go searching where the disconnect is coming from and can help you repair your circuit board.

Healing from Trauma: For those carrying the weight of past traumas, sex therapy provides a safe harbour. It’s a space to heal, grow, and rediscover the joy in intimacy, pleasure and connection.

LGBTQIA+ Affirming: Contemporary sex therapists have been through training which views sex and relationships through a queer lens, ensuring an affirming and supportive environment that celebrates the diverse spectrum of identities and preferences.

Sex Education 101: Sex therapy is not just about fixing; it’s about learning, growing, and understanding the unique language of your desires. Sex therapists will often provide you with a comprehensive sex education alongside your therapy.

How Does the Magic Happen? (No pun intended and it’s not actually magic)

Therapy is a process that thrives when there’s readiness, commitment, and a connection with your therapist. The process involves talk therapy, discussions, and occasionally, personalised homework assignments. These are crafted to guide you in exploring yourself, understanding your body, or delving deeper into your relationship. The process and timeline will be as unique as you are.

Confidential, Tailored and a Fifty Minute Haven

A sex therapist can be your compass when you’re not sure which way to turn. We’re highly trained in the theory of sex, relationships and love with the added bonus of being a human being with lived experience.

If you’re to embark on a journey of self-discovery and deeper connections? It might be time to try sex therapy. Reach out and book a free consultation with me today if you’re ready for the adventure to begin. It’s not as scary as you think I promise!