Month: June 2025

If you’ve found yourself saying, “We’ve stopped having sex,” you’re not alone. It’s a common experience for couples at any stage of a relationship — and it can feel confusing, painful, or even shameful. You might wonder, What happened to us? or Is something wrong with me? When we’ve stopped having sex, it’s easy to fear the worst. But often, there’s more to the story — and support is available.

Our sex life has disappeared- Why Does Sex Stop?

Sex can stop for many reasons. Sometimes it’s physical — pain during sex, changes in libido, or medical conditions. A recent autism or ADHD diagnosis can call your sexuality into questions. Other times, deeper emotional or relational issues are at play: resentment, disconnection, stress, or misaligned needs.

At the start of a relationship, desire can mask these underlying tensions. But once the early intensity fades, you may notice that something feels off. When we’ve stopped having sex, it often reflects a need for deeper connection or understanding — not failure.

You’re Not Broken — and Your Relationship Isn’t Either

Saying we’ve stopped having sex can carry shame, but it’s a meaningful signal — not a dead end. You are not broken, and neither is your relationship. Many couples go through this and come out stronger.

How Sex Therapy Can Help

Sex therapy gives you space to explore what’s happening. As a psychosexual therapist, I help couples understand the “why” behind the disconnect — whether it’s neurodivergence, emotional strain, sexual dysfunction, or past trauma. Together, we find new ways to rebuild intimacy and desire.

Want support with this?

If this blog resonated with you, I offer free consultation where we can explore what’s bringing you here and whether working together feels like a good fit.

I also create a range of resources on sexual wellbeing, including both free and paid options, designed to be accessible, supportive and inclusive.

→ Book a free consultation
→ Explore resources

You’re welcome to take what’s useful and leave the rest.

When people hear “relationship therapy,” they often picture couples on the brink—shouting, crying, making one last attempt to fix what feels broken. Therapy can carry a heavy sense of shame or secrecy. After all, don’t the best couples just figure it all out?

The truth is—most of us were never taught how to communicate well, especially when we feel vulnerable. There’s a saying: we are hurt in relationships, and we heal in relationships. Our closest partnerships often shine a light on old wounds—pain we’ve carried for years. In those moments, our partner isn’t the cause but the one caught in the crossfire when something deep gets triggered.

Old Wounds Need Attention, Not Avoidance

Without care and attention, those wounds don’t heal. When you can’t explain what’s happening inside—or don’t even understand it yourself—it’s easy to fall into stuck patterns. This is exactly where relationship therapy can help. Therapy isn’t just for relationships in trouble. If you want to understand each other more deeply, figure out why you come back to the same argument time or time again . Or maybe something’s not been working in your sex life for a long time  and you want to face it together,

Going to Relationship Therapy Doesn’t Mean You’ve Failed

Starting therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is broken or that you’ve failed. It means you care. It means you’re willing to be curious about each other. It means you want to grow—together, not apart.

Relationships Need Space to Evolve

Relationships are living systems. They need care, maintenance, and room to evolve. Therapy offers a supportive, neutral space to look at what’s working, what isn’t, and what you both truly long for. It can deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and bring clarity to patterns that keep you stuck.

It’s Not About Blame—It’s About Understanding

Relationship therapy isn’t about blame or fixing. Most issues aren’t “solvable” in the traditional sense—but through honesty, insight, and empathy, couples can learn to navigate them with greater understanding. That’s why starting therapy early—before frustration becomes resentment—often leads to better outcomes.

So if things feel flat, stuck, or simply off, you don’t need to wait for a crisis. While others might see therapy as a red flag, what if it’s actually a sign of strength?

Therapy isn’t the end of a relationship.
Sometimes, it’s the beginning of a new chapter.

My Approach

In my work with couples, I draw from Relational Life Therapy (developed by Terry Real), which focuses on truth-telling, accountability, and emotional connection. I also practise pluralistically, weaving together therapeutic tools to meet the specific needs of each couple.

My style is direct but warm, always aiming to help both partners feel seen, supported, and empowered. Whether you’re navigating conflict, intimacy, neurodivergence, or long-standing patterns, therapy can be a place to reconnect, realign, and move forward—together.

Want support with this?

If this blog resonated with you, I offer free consultation where we can explore what’s bringing you here and whether working together feels like a good fit.

I also create a range of resources on sexual wellbeing, including both free and paid options, designed to be accessible, supportive and inclusive.

→ Book a free consultation
→ Explore resources

You’re welcome to take what’s useful and leave the rest.

Autistic people are far more likely to identify outside of conventional sexual and gender norms than their non-autistic peers, and are more likely to live in mixed orientation relationships. These relationships often challenge mainstream assumptions about identity, intimacy, and belonging—both within the relationship and in the eyes of society.

The cultural script for relationships is narrow. It dictates expectations about roles, attraction, desire, and gender. When you step outside that script—by being in a mixed orientation relationship or simply by wanting something different—you often face confusion, dismissal, or silence.

For autistic people, who experience the world through a distinct sensory and emotional lens, fitting into these tightly defined relationship boxes can feel disorienting or even painful. We’ve learned that when our relationships appear to align with the societal template—cis-het, monogamous, domestic—the world responds with understanding and approval.

But this perceived acceptance can come at a cost. It often demands masking, and for many autistic people, that means muting parts of ourselves in the very spaces where we long to feel most seen. That kind of inauthenticity can deepen the sense of disconnect.

Many autistic relationships already operate outside the norm. They may look conventional from the outside but function in beautifully nontraditional ways—through fluid boundaries, less performative intimacy, or a rejection of the ‘relationship escalator.’

As Meg-John Barker writes, “Queer is about messing with the boundaries, not simply replacing one set of norms with another.”

Love doesn’t need to look a certain way to be real. It just needs to feel like home. For many of us, that means making space for fluidity, for self-trust, and for mixed orientation relationships that honour who we truly are. Sex and relationship therapy can help

Ref: Barker, M.-J., & Scheele, J. (2016). Queer: A Graphic History. Icon Books.