Author: Laura Stannard

Experiencing trauma can profoundly impact one’s relationship with sex and intimacy and sex after trauma might feel different that it once did. Trauma may heighten sensory sensitivities or impact how your body responds during sex or complicate the process of connecting with others on an intimate level. Sexual trauma can have profound impact on your life but it possible to rediscover intimacy, move at a pace that suits you, and find pleasure in your body and relationships again.

What Does Sexual Trauma Look Like

Trauma responses can look and feel different for everyone. What we do know is that trauma is stored in the body; it may exist as a memory, but it often reveals itself through your reactions, behaviours, and responses. This stored trauma can trigger the body’s autonomic nervous system, creating patterns of hyperarousal or dissociation that impact a person’s emotional and physical well-being long after the traumatic event has passed. It might show up as avoidance from sex,  sexual dysfunction, intrusive memories or difficult focusing during sex.

Understanding how trauma affects sensory experiences and comfort levels can be essential step to healing. Therapy—especially neurodivergent-friendly, trauma-informed, or sex therapy—can offer a supportive space to explore how trauma has shaped your relationship with intimacy and help you address complex emotions. There’s no need to go into detail or re-tell what happened if you don’t want to. A trauma-informed therapist can guide you through the healing process at a pace that feels right for you.

Steps To Healing 

Trauma can make physical sensations, certain types of touch, or even specific words feel overwhelming, particularly when combined with sensory sensitivities. Taking small, controlled steps toward comfort and communicating openly with a supportive partner can be empowering tools in rebuilding trust and confidence.

Reconnecting with your body might also include adapting self-care practices to fit your unique needs. Mindfulness techniques or somatic practices, such as gentle breathing exercises or sensory grounding, can help rebuild a sense of safety and autonomy. Spending time reconnecting with your body and understanding your body within the context of safety and pleasure is a key aspect to healing from trauma.

A short blog doesn’t do justice to the breadth and depth the impact trauma has on someones life. Just remember, it’s okay to ask for support when you feel ready and to take as much time as you need. The journey to healthy intimacy after trauma is not linear, but with compassion, self-acceptance, and the right resources, it’s possible to find connection, joy, and confidence again in your own way.

Want support with this?

If this blog resonated with you, I offer free consultation where we can explore what’s bringing you here and whether working together feels like a good fit.

I also create a range of resources on sexual wellbeing, including both free and paid options, designed to be accessible, supportive and inclusive.

→ Book a free consultation
→ Explore resources

You’re welcome to take what’s useful and leave the rest.

As an autistic sex therapist, I’ve learned that many services overlook the needs of the neurodivergent brain and therapy is no exception. Feeling calm and comfortable is essential for effective therapy and you may have unique sensory and cognitive needs that we need to consider. For that reason I continually seek new ways to adapt our sessions, Below are a few accommodations I offer:

Camera Off
Zoom video calls can overwhelm you with intense eye contact and the discomfort of being seen. Therefore, to alleviate this pressure, I offer audio-only sessions that help create a more comfortable communication environment.

Sitting Down Sucks
If you have ADHD, sitting still for an entire session can feel unbearable. Consequently, I encourage you to stand, move around, or even doodle and fidget while we talk. In fact, these activities are not just “allowed”; they can actually help you stay focused.

Being Upfront About the Process
Clarity is essential in my practice. Since the therapy process can feel confusing, I make it a point to explain what’s happening and what you can expect from me. Ultimately, this openness helps reduce uncertainty and anxiety.

Sensory-Friendly Online Sessions
With online sessions, you can engage in therapy from the comfort of your own space. Additionally, feel free to bring your pet along for comfort or use a weighted blanket to help you feel grounded and focused.

If you’re unsure of what your specific needs are, I can work with you to figure them out. Together, we’ll find ways to make therapy feel right for you.If you’re looking for an autistic sex therapist who understands neurodivergence, I offer compassionate and tailored support. You can book a call, send an email, or schedule a Zoom meeting today.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a Taylor Swift fan. Not buying Eras tour tickets is officially on my list of regrets. As with many public figures, at some point, the focus shifts from their talent to their private life—and this has been happening with Taylor Swift… big time.

The Swift Effect: When Talent Takes a Backseat to Personal Life

It’s been fascinating to watch the Eras tour sweep the globe. Add a new relationship to the mix, and… well, people are gripped. The internet is rife with speculation, body language ‘expert’ opinions, and dedicated forums analysing every move she makes—particularly every move she makes with her partner, Travis Kelce. Her influence extends beyond the music charts, reflecting society’s deep-rooted fascination with relationships, love, and heartbreak.

Our Collective Obsession with the “Perfect” Relationship

Our fascination with Swift’s personal life speaks to a broader societal obsession with relationships, particularly the heteronormative narrative of them. We champion the idea of “love conquers all” and eagerly wait to watch couples climb the relationship escalator of dating, moving in, getting married, and having babies—only to say “I told you so” when a relationship doesn’t meet our stringent standards or normality.

As a society, we place a high value on monogamy and fidelity, often leaving little room for the reality of human imperfections. I often wonder how many of the faithful commentators are living in relationships free of strife or doubt. People seem drawn to the ups and downs of love, projecting their desires, fears, and hopes onto public figures like Swift and it often leaves me questioning why.

Why We Hope for Success (And Sometimes Failure)

In many ways, our obsession with Taylor Swift mirrors our fascination with relationships as a whole. There’s a desperate hope that public figures’ relationships will succeed (to validate our ideals of romantic love?), yet an undeniable undertone of wanting them to fail (to validate our own real-life experiences?).

The Reality of Love and the Quest for Perfection

The idea of romantic love sustains us, fills us with hope, and distracts us from the realities of relationships. But at the same time, it dehumanises our experience of love. We are flawed, complex, and messy—and we bring those flaws into our relationships. The beauty of relationships is in working through our humanness alongside someone else. Too often, we miss opportunities for connection while waiting for perfection.

If you listen closely, Taylor Swift tells her stories through her music, revealing the same vulnerabilities and triumphs we all experience (though we can’t say for sure whether billionaire status helps). Perhaps if we focused more on listening than looking, we’d realise that beneath the fame, Taylor Swift is just like the rest of us—navigating the complexities of love, relationships, and self-discovery.

Want support with this?

If this blog resonated with you, I offer free consultation where we can explore what’s bringing you here and whether working together feels like a good fit.

I also create a range of resources on sexual wellbeing, including both free and paid options, designed to be accessible, supportive and inclusive.

→ Book a free consultation
→ Explore resources

You’re welcome to take what’s useful and leave the rest.

Okay, I actually hate the title of this blog, but I discovered that ‘How to Get Rid of Erectile Dysfunction’ was one of the most googled sex questions from the last month. If you have found this blog through Googling this question, I want you to know that you can make peace with your erections.

There are lots of things that can help with unreliable erections – I’ve listed a few below. Sex therapy can really help, often in a short space of time. If you feel ready to talk, please reach out.

Check your lifestyle

How are you sleeping? Eating? Feeling? Lifestyle can play a significant role in unreliable erections. If you’ve not been able to look after yourself recently, gently see if there is just one thing you can do that might help you feel better. It might be one less beer or one hour earlier to bed.

Check your relationships

The context we have sex in has a huge impact on what our bodies do. Feeling confident, safe, and attractive during sex are important elements when it comes to gaining an erection. Understanding how to get rid of erectile dysfunction often involves looking at your relationship dynamics.

See Your GP

If it’s been a while since you’ve seen your GP or you’ve never seen your GP before, reach out for a general check-up. ED can sometimes indicate there’s something else going on. Your GP can help guide you on how to get rid of erectile dysfunction, or at least understand underlying issues.

See a Sex Therapist

ED is actually quite a difficult diagnosis to achieve. It’s more likely that you have unreliable erections – which is something common and usually a normal reaction to the context you’re in. Sex therapy can help you understand and gain confidence with your erections.

Lastly, you are not a robot! You are human, and your sole mission in life isn’t to penetrate with a rock-hard cock. Give yourself some grace and recognise that fluctuations in sexual performance are normal.

I have lots of experience with ED – book a call today if you want to talk.

Want to learn more? Check out my workbook: Building Confidence With Erections 

Love is great and all that jazz, but sometimes ADHD can throw a wrench into even the strongest relationships. ADHD can manifest in various ways, and some symptoms can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations between partners. Let’s explore how ADHD and relationships can interact  and what can be done to navigate these challenges.

Common ADHD Symptoms Affecting Relationships:

• Inattentiveness: Your partner with ADHD might struggle to focus during conversations, get distracted during sex or forget important details you discussed. This can make you feel unheard or unimportant.
• Disorganisation: Missed appointments, misplaced items, or difficulty following through on commitments can lead to resentment and a feeling of being unreliable in the relationship.
• Impulsivity: Acting impulsively can impact decision-making and finances, causing stress and arguments within the relationship.

The Impact on Partners

These symptoms can leave you feeling unheard, unsupported, and carrying a larger emotional burden in your relationship with ADHD. You might become the “nag” or “the parent”, reminding your partner about tasks, which can breed negativity and resentment.

Building Stronger Connections

The good news is that ADHD doesn’t have to be a relationship dealbreaker in relationships with ADHD. Here are some tips:

• Open Communication: Talk openly about how ADHD affects each other in your ADHD relationship. Share your feelings and frustrations without blame. Listening to each other’s perspective can help increase understanding and acceptance of each other. Once you become aware of how someone is feeling and how they process things this can take the sting out of things you might otherwise take personally.
• Develop Strategies: Work together to create systems for organisation, communication, and task management. Visual aids and routines can be helpful in navigating ADHD and relationships. It’s important to note BOTH partners need to take responsibility for creating strategies. ADHD brains are creatively capable – you need to find the way that works for you and then communicate with each other.
•  Seek Professional Help: Consider therapy, either individually or as a couple, to learn communication skills and develop coping mechanisms for the relationship. Unmanaged, undiagnosed or unacknowledged ADHD is likely to wreak havoc on a relationship and the sooner you seek help the better.

Remember 

With treatment and understanding, couples with ADHD can build strong and fulfilling relationships. Patience and compassion are key – this goes for how you treat each other and how you treat yourself. Focus on supporting each other and celebrate your partner’s strengths in your ADHD relationship.

By working together and seeking professional help when needed, you can navigate the challenges of ADHD and relationships and build a lasting, happy connection. Seeking help can be the first step to building a supportive framework for your relationship.

If you are struggling with ADHD in your relationship you I can help.

Navigating sexuality is complex for everyone, and for Audhd individuals, it offers unique challenges and opportunities. While autism and ADHD might seem distinct, they often coexist, creating a unique blend of cognitive and behavioral traits that influence various aspects of life, including sexuality, sexual orientation, gender identity, and relationship structures.

It can feel like our brains and bodies are at war, balancing sameness and novelty. ADHD can manifest as a heightened desire for excitement. This can lead to a more adventurous approach to sex with a willingness to explore new activities and experiences. Conversely, autism may involve sensory sensitivities, communication nuances, and a preference for sameness and routine. You may feel like a different sexual being depending on the day, month, year, or even minute.

ADHD and autism together create a dynamic blend of heightened libido and nuanced social understanding. A deep and felt self-awareness is often required to communicate your needs effectively, which can take time, effort, and patience from yourself and your partners. However, Audhd also brings unique strengths to sexual experiences. Creativity, hyperfocus, and a deep capacity for empathy enrich intimacy in unexpected ways, offering depth and connection in relationships.

Neurodivergent people are more likely to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community, possibly because we’re less inclined to conform to societal norms. Stepping outside the mainstream can make for a beautiful, colorful life, but it can also bring shame and confusion, especially if you’re diagnosed later in life or lack supportive friends and family.

Autism and ADHD shape sexual experiences, thoughts, and identities. Through understanding, communication, and acceptance, individuals and their partners can navigate these complexities and cultivate fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationships.

Sex Therapy can help. Book a free call with me today

Check out my FREE resource: The Audhd Guide to Sex and Sensory Health

When it comes to a relationships there are numerous factors that contribute to the strength and longevity of a partnership and it’s not uncommon for people to put sex near the top of the list. But just how important is sex* in a relationship?

Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of human nature, and when expressed within partnership, it can foster intimacy, vulnerability, and emotional closeness. Studies have shown that couples who maintain a satisfying sex life often report higher levels of overall relationship satisfaction.

But beyond the physical act itself, sexual intimacy can often serve as a means of communication, allowing partners to express love, emotions, and affection in a unique and profound way. Sex can a language and transcend what can often express what we’re able to say.

‘Happy fulfilling relationships that don’t feature sex exist.  There is no right or wrong way to be- only the way that works for you and your relationship’

However, it’s essential to recognise that the significance of sex in a relationship can vary greatly from one couple to another. While some may place a high value on sexual compatibility, others may prioritise emotional intimacy and companionship. Happy fulfilling relationships that don’t feature sex exist.  There is no right or wrong way to be- only the way that works for you and your relationship.

In relationships where sex is part of the set up people to tend become het up with frequency and base the quality of their sex lives on how many times they have sex. The amount number of times per week becomes the focal point of importance and you could say that this kinda misses the point. We become obsessed with quantity over quality. Imagine if you had satisfying pleasurable sex once a month as opposed to average underwhelming sex once a week. Maybe that would feel quite different?

While sex is an integral aspect of many relationships, its importance is ultimately subjective and dependent on the unique dynamics of each partnership. Some form of sexual incompatibility is common (and normal) in relationships .

Sex Therapy can help you to reach a compromise that works for everyone.

*Sex refers to ALL forms of intimate contact not just penetration

Embarking on a journey with a sex therapist can truly be a transformative experience, but let’s be real, choosing the right therapist and where to seek therapy takes some time and effort. With online therapy platforms popping up left and right, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and wonder, “Why should I choose a private practice over an online platform?”

Well, for me, opting for a professional in private practice has its own set of unique advantages. Let’s dive into a few of the perks that I, personally, see in seeking a private practice therapist:

Personalised Attention

Online therapy platforms offer accessibility, but there’s something special about the personalised touch you get from private practice sex therapy. With smaller caseloads, private practice therapists can really tailor the therapy to your individual needs and often have more time to reflect between sessions and put more time and energy into tailoring the therapy to suit you.

Cost Considerations

It’s no secret that seeing a therapist in private practice might come with a higher price tag. Therapy in any sense is a privilege many don’t have access to. Recognising the financial privilege involved in therapy, many private practice therapists, offer low-cost sessions or affordable resources which can provide some relief and inside information. We can also point you to other affordable services that match your budget. Check out my contact page for an excellent low-cost option!

Client Autonomy

Client autonomy is a big deal. You should have the power to choose when to start and end sessions, no questions asked. It’s all about empowering you to take control of your therapy journey. With me, sessions are open-ended, and you’re free to hit the brakes whenever you feel ready. I’ll never pressure you into committing to a certain number of sessions—unless, of course, that’s what you want—and you only pay for the sessions you actually have.

In my humble opinion and obviously biased opinion, opting for private practice sex therapy over online platforms offers a more personalised approach. But the most important thing is finding an ethical therapist that you feel comfortable with. That’s the real key to successful therapy.

If you’d like to find out if we’re a good match you can book a free 15 minute consultation with me here

The initial stages of new relationships are often hailed as the best time; heady, love-filled thoughts occupy your mind 24/7, and you’re in what’s known as the honeymoon phase. However, for autistic individuals, these moments can be overwhelming, confusing, and difficult to enjoy and it’s possible that autistic relationships will diverge from the typical template.

For those blessed with innate intuition, the early days of a new relationship are characterized by excitement, shared discovery, and a deepening emotional connection. However, for autistic individuals, these moments can be overwhelming, confusing, and difficult to enjoy.

What may seem like a subtle cue to most can become an insurmountable puzzle for someone on the spectrum. The challenge intensifies during the initial stages, where the pressure to decode social signals is at its peak. Social cues become cryptic; when do we kiss? Should we kiss? Who is going to pay? It quickly becomes a social cue shitshow.

Unpredictability reaches peak levels as the dates continue to happen—will this continue? Will they text me back? Are you BF and GF yet? It’s a minefield of uncertainty, and navigating it isn’t pleasant.

Autistic individuals often prefer and rely on literal language, and they may ask directly if there’s something they want or need to know. However, in these early stages, there’s often pressure to play it cool, play hard to get (yikes!), or simply go with the flow. This way of operating doesn’t really fly for neurodivergent people; you could say we like to cut to the chase.

If you find yourself navigating the twists and turns of a new relationship with autism in the mix, know that you’re not alone. It’s tough! If you’re riding out honeymoon hell, reach out, and we can chat some more.

How many dates should you go on before having sex? We seem to be a species that’s obsessed with numbers, timing and made up rules. In the world of modern dating, the question of how many dates one should go on before having sex is often a topic of internal and external debate.

I recognise it’s potentially idealistic to neaten this up but hey I want to try. Navigating a new human alongside yourself is messy business but perhaps reframing the issue will help you to reach your magic number. Rather than adhering to societal norms or arbitrary rules about when to have sex with someone maybe we should be questioning why we’re feeling the pressure? And whose rulebook are we playing by?

The reality is is that everyone is different and the pace at which a relationship progresses will vary based on personal comfort levels and emotional connection. While some may feel a strong connection after a few dates, others might prefer a more gradual approach, allowing trust and understanding to flourish over time. Ultimately, the journey toward physical intimacy is a personal one, and there is no universal playbook despite what society tells us.

Self awareness is key to developing confidence in yourself and your decisions. If you’re feeling the pressure sex therapy can help you find your answers to the questions above so you can tune in, stay as safe as you can and feel confident in your decision.

Book a free call with me today and we can chat some more.