How Do I Decide if We’re the Right Fit?
21st July, 2026
Choosing a therapist is a big decision.
It can feel vulnerable reaching out to someone you’ve never met and wondering whether they’re the right person to support you- especially in sex and relationship therapy.
Many people assume the consultation is about convincing a therapist to take them on. I don’t see it that way.
A consultation isn’t about persuading someone to become your therapist and it’s not about the therapist selling themselves. It’s about discovering whether a therapeutic relationship should begin.
When we agree to work together, we’re beginning a relationship built on trust, openness and honesty. That relationship has the potential to influence your wellbeing, your relationships and, to some extent, your day-to-day life.
That’s something I take seriously.
Why I don’t make decisions during the consultation
Although consultations are incredibly valuable, they’re only one conversation.
It’s impossible to know everything about a person in 20 or 30 minutes, and I don’t believe either of us should feel pressured to make an immediate decision.
Instead, I take up to 24 hours to reflect before deciding whether I believe I’m the right therapist for you.
What I consider
There isn’t a checklist that determines whether someone is “the right fit”. Instead, I reflect on several different areas.
1. How do I feel in the room?
Do I feel present, curious and able to connect with your experience? What am I noticing emotionally as we talk?
2. How am I showing up?
Am I able to think clearly and be fully present? Do I feel grounded enough to offer the kind of therapy I’d want you to receive?
3. Is this within my area of knowledge and experience?
One of the most ethical things a therapist can do is recognise when another professional may be better placed to help. If I don’t believe I’m the right person, I’ll always be honest about that.
4. What happens when I imagine us working together?
I imagine meeting with you week after week. Do I feel openness, curiosity and confidence that I can support you well? If I notice hesitation, I take time to understand why before making a decision.
5. What is my intuition telling me?
Over time, therapists develop an intuition that’s informed by training, experience and reflection. I don’t make decisions based on instinct alone, but I do believe it’s important to pay attention to what I’m noticing and explore it thoughtfully.
Fit works both ways
Finding the right therapist isn’t just my decision.
It’s yours too.
If I feel we’re a good fit, I’ll send you a short set of post-consultation reflection questions. These give you the opportunity to think about your own experience of the consultation.
Did you feel understood?
Did you feel comfortable?
Can you imagine talking openly with me?
Did you leave feeling hopeful?
These questions matter just as much as the ones I ask myself.
If I don’t think we’re the right fit
Not being the right fit doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, and it doesn’t mean therapy won’t help.
It simply means I don’t believe I’m the best person to support you.
Whenever possible, I’ll suggest another therapist or service that I believe may be a better match.
My goal isn’t to work with everyone who contacts me.
My goal is to help you find the right support—even if that isn’t with me.
Because I believe that taking the time to find the right fit gives therapy the best possible chance of being meaningful, effective and lasting.
